“Look at the brighter side!” they say. But you know deep within, that if you could, you would. In those times of sheer melancholia, you can’t help but focus the entire attention on the darker side. And it is important to do so, essential even. While they try to make you believe in happier things, youhelplessly continue to see black where others see white.
I’ve been there.
But then something beautiful happened to me. I was introduced to someone who feltexactly what I was feeling. And not just that, it took me by my hand and together we explored the depths of darkness. I listened to their tracks one after another, snuggling into the comfort of knowing that someone out there finally understood those shadowy emotions, without me having to explain. It was liberating.
My first encounter with Evanescence happened with a track titled “my immortal”. A blend of melancholic piano pieces and a hauntingly beautiful voice that took me places I never knew existed. Amy Lee’s voice, it was the kind that had the power to shake me up from within, and the gentleness that could lull me to sleep. It carried within it immensities of grief and intensities of rage. It felt like innocence preserved, despite the knowledge of all evils that exist.
More tracks followed and I found myself devouring each one of them. I connected so deeply with their lyrics that I had an entire diary full of them.Through them, I traveled across infinite shades of grey mirroring the various mental states, carefully stopping at and making sense of each. Starting with a shade which reflected the flip side of love when it grows into obsession, I stepped on another which portrayed the devastation that comes with the loss of it.Then I walked towardsa slightly darker shade, where one literally drowns in “50,000” tears and chokes on them, at the same time seeking vengeance. All this would make sense to someone who has loved truly, madly, deeply and has tragically lost it.
Then, I came across a shade unnoticed by most. I never thought anyone could write a song on the mere feeling of lying on the bed for hours on end because of utter despair. It was followed by an even darker shade describing escapism by imagining “a field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby” and finding bliss there. And then there’s the darkest shade when everything is lost and onebecomes numb and breathlessly pleads to be brought back to life.
In quite a lot of their tracks, they’ve added sounds similar to spirits howling. It feels like they’re compelling me to remain in that deep well of sorrow, no matter how desperately I wish to climb out. They’re the sounds of my own demons, which overpower me and sometimes possess me entirely. There are sounds of my terrifiedcries for help that’s never arriving. That’s how their music explores the depths of despair.
I know this all this sounds too depressing, but I feel it is human to feel these emotions inside you and be okay with having themas part of you. No one has it all good and rosy. Once you’re able to deep dive into your darkness, confront it and acknowledge it as a reality, only then will you be free.
And as they say, the only way out is through. It only makes it more enjoyable to have company. Evanescence has been mine, give it a try. Would you?